There is a semblance of purity to melancholy, an all-encompassing ‘out-ness’ that does not change if I like or dislike. It is there, and I feel it. What emotions I possess are abundantly occupied with the state of my tired schedule.
I wake, I dress, I eat. I attend to business, I speak, I listen. I eat, I undress, I sleep.
No change has ever broken this schedule. It shall be as it always is.
I look for more. I go to places removed from my present position. I seek to converse with those who catch my eye. They are afraid and I never quite understood why until I heard one ask me what I spoke of. I was angry at first, and then scornful, only to realize that it is the same conversation I have with each of them that I have with the others. They say nothing new, and my mind has already leapt ahead with bored conjectures. I find there can be no more than this.
What else am I to do?
I have considered changing myself. I am nothing if not thorough. I have been all things since it is impossible to be nothing, and I have felt some pleasure in certain phases and discomfort in others. I like winged creatures until I am hunted. I like land creatures until my limbs grow sore. I like hunters until my belly grows empty and prey until I am on the edge of death. I have been conqueror and captive, worm and monster, myth and reality. I have spoken with all tongues. I have thought with all minds.
I have existed, in short, since eternity. I never age, I never die. I have no sympathy for the sick and the elderly. I was never born so I have no affinity for children. I have never hurt, or been anxious. If I dislike a situation, I leave it.
And every day I wake, I work, and I sleep.
I am tired now. I need company. I will love if I must love, and charm if I must charm. I will choose the closest race to my present form, which is human. I will choose a strong and healthy young girl as is the human way. I have her in my sights and I will learn her ways.
The humans in this part of the globe no longer take what they want, so I will woo her as is the custom.
She likes fairytales so I will give her a book. It will suggest delicately that she should love me. She is very gullible, this girl, but I like her. She has that trick of amusing herself for long periods of time. That will be invaluable. I have a schedule and she must prove she can bring change to me, since I seem unable to take it for myself.
I watch her and feel a strange satisfaction that I have chosen right.
My plan will work, and I will woo this girl. Perhaps there are customs of togetherness that I can learn from her. She will alleviate my boredom. When she grows older I can see where life takes me. There might be room for her or there might not. I can decide that later.
Perhaps if there are two displaced together it won’t seem so lonely.